What does recovery look like to you?
To me, it doesn’t look like going back to my old, “healthy” life.
It’s not staying out until 3am after a heavy evening of drinking.
It’s not pushing my body repeatedly to its limits until I become ill.
It’s not eating rubbish foods that don’t fuel my mind or body.
It’s not being in a permanent state of stress, working until midnight.
It’s not being constantly busy, always on the go.
It’s not doing things I don’t enjoy, being with people who make me feel small, or listening to those thoughts of criticism.
In fact, my idea of full recovery is not about going backwards to my pre-illness life at all.
It’s about doing the complete opposite of that.
It’s about discovering a completely new meaning of the words “recovery” and “healing”.
It’s about realising these words don’t mean you then have permission to mistreat and neglect your body and mind, but the opportunity to look after them.
To me, full recovery means being able to go for a walk because my body can.
It means eating healthy, whole foods because it fuels me both mentally and physically.
It’s getting a good night sleep because that is the highest form of self-care.
It’s doing things that I love because I should never waste my energy on things that bring me down rather than up.
It’s about getting out of my comfort zone and pushing my body in terms of growth and learning.
It’s going fast AND going slow; appreciating both speeds.
Recovery is not about going back to that place that got me ill in the first place at all, it’s going forwards into the unknown.
Into a place of self-care, gentleness, and compassion, but also joy, excitement, and gratitude.
It’s not about being “boring” but being realistic, recognising the so called “normal” life of not looking after yourself is not one to aspire to, but one to steer away from.
So while I’m now in “recovery”, I’m very aware I’m heading towards a completely unknown destination.
I’m not going backwards.
I’m heading into the wilderness where
I’m completely terrified, but also so excited to see where this journey will lead me ✨