A year ago I was in survival mode.
I don’t think I knew it at the time, but looking back, I can see it now.
Everything was about getting through the next hour, the next minute, just the next moment.
There were no thoughts of tomorrow or next week because it was a one day at a time mindset.
And now, all of a sudden, I’m finding myself emerging from this survival mindset, and I’m struggling with it.
I have so much to process, so much still to heal from.
Old patterns are coming back, perfectionism edging in, thinking non-stop, head overflowing.
All these things I worked so hard on overcoming are wanting to creep back in.
And I can see why: my thoughts are no longer of this moment, but of the future.
I miss living in the present moment.
I miss taking deep breaths.
I miss slowing down.
I miss just being.
And so this is me vowing to come back to the here and now.
To not allow my mind to run away from me.
Yes, things are scary out here.
Yes, I still worry about the future and money and jobs and never living independently.
But no, I don’t have to get caught up in this thinking.
I don’t have to follow society and look ahead: I can choose to look around me.
I can choose to come back to taking everything one day at a time.
One moment at a time.
Just one breathe at a time.
The worries I have will always be there, but there’s no reason I have to listen to them any more now than I did a year ago.
While survival mode was hard, I undoubtedly learnt a lot from it, and living in the present moment was the biggest.
So this is me coming back to the here and now, taking a deep breath, and reminding myself it’s all going to be alright 🧘🏽♀️✨