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Category: The Blog

My Top 10 Favourite UK Anti-Racism Books

April 5, 2021 Evie 2 Comments

Over the past year, I’ve prioritised educating myself on race, racism, and anti-racism. Up until now, I’ve felt it’s been…

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Posted in: All Posts, Books, The Blog Filed under: Books

You Will Get Back Up Again

March 18, 2021 Evie Leave a comment

6 months ago I made it to this field and I was in awe. No words could express what it…

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Posted in: All Posts, Chronic Illness, Mini-Posts

One Year of Visible Physical Healing

March 11, 2021 Evie Leave a comment

This time last year, I started seeing physical improvements in my health for the first time in 7 years. It…

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Posted in: All Posts, Chronic Illness, Mini-Posts

Recovery: An Honest Update

February 18, 2021 Evie 2 Comments

I’ve always tried to keep my recovery as real on here as possible, and a lot of people are asking…

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Posted in: All Posts, Chronic Illness, Mini-Posts

8 Year Illness Anniversary – Reflections

February 11, 2021 Evie Leave a comment

This photo capture the very moment my life changed, exactly 8 years ago to this date. It was the day…

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Posted in: All Posts, Chronic Illness, Mini-Posts

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mindfullyevie

mindfullyevie
It takes courage to slow down in a world so encour It takes courage to slow down in a world so encouraging to speed up. šŸ§˜šŸ½ā€ā™€ļø
It takes courage to rest in a world where exhaustion is seen as a sign of success.
It takes courage to stop and breathe in a world ploughing ahead at full speed. 🌬
It takes courage to stay present in a world so busy looking ahead.
It takes courage to go with the flow in a world telling you to plan. 🌊
It takes courage to stray off the main path in a world so closed to alternative routes.
It takes courage to believe you’re enough in a world telling you you’re not.
It takes courage to go your own way in a world so supportive of mainstream paths. šŸ›¤
It takes courage to believe in yourself in a world encouraging you to be someone else.
It takes courage to let this moment be enough in this world telling you to strive for more.

Love, E 😘 xx
Leaving the house with chronic illness takes me do Leaving the house with chronic illness takes me double the effort and twice as long to recover šŸ”šŸ¤
Conflicting emotions behind chronic that I don’t Conflicting emotions behind chronic that I don’t talk about enough…

Finds acceptance and peace with this illness / feels grief for the things I lost and can’t do now 🌊

Joyful for any small win or achievement / sad at how ā€˜big’ these small wins are to me now 

Proud of how far I’ve come / Frustrated at how far I still have to go

Wants to talk about illness to feel less lonely / Feels self-conscious always talking about illness šŸ’­

Grateful for the life illness has led me to / Weary of carrying the heaviness of this life around

Embraces illness and disability label / wants to find identity outside of illness labels

Feels courageous to find own path in life / feels lost walking this wilderness path alone šŸž

Wouldn’t go back and change what happened / Wants to feel some normality, even just for a day

Any you would add? šŸ’›

You are seen here, always. Love E xx
Just a few comforting reminders and mantras that I Just a few comforting reminders and mantras that I know I need right now, and maybe you might need them too…
ā¤ļø I have managed this before, I can manage this again
ā¤ļø I know you’re scared, but I believe in you, and I know you can get through this
ā¤ļø I don’t know what the future looks like, but I’m going to be okay
ā¤ļø You are going to make it. Wherever you’re trying to reach: you will get there
ā¤ļø Sometimes the best moments in life are the detours we never planned for
ā¤ļø Even though I don’t know how or when I’ll get there, I still know I will make it
ā¤ļø My current situation is not my permanent destination
ā¤ļø Healing takes time. Take your time. Take your time. Take your time
The Missing Grey Area of Chronic Illness… 1. Ver The Missing Grey Area of Chronic Illness…
1. Very sick / Fully Recovered.
2. Can leave the house all the time / Can never go out šŸ”
3. Fully accepts illness / Still grieving.
4. Always wants to talk about illness / Never wants to talk about illness.
5. Happy all the time / Always sad 🌪
6. Illness is who I am / Illness doesn’t define me.
7. Feels lost, uncertain and confused.
8. Wants a future where I’m fully recovered / Fully accepts this moment for what it is 🌈

The grey area can be so hard and isolating, and I just want you to know you are not alone in this murky space. And you are also not alone if you’re living in the black and white regions too. Every spot along the healing path is valid and you deserve to be heard, seen and loved wherever you are.

Sending you love, E šŸ’›šŸ’›
I haven’t told anyone this, but the truth is, I’ve noticed that in the last few months, I’ve been falling out of love with myself. It started off as small things; thoughts of criticism creeping back. Blaming myself for things not going right rather than seeing how hard I’m trying.

But now, this feeling of not feeling enough, like I’m always failing, is dominating my heart.

I feel like I’m failing bedbound me, for not being as grateful as I should be for this life I’m now living.
I feel like I’m failing my body, for not being able to heal my hip injury after 17 months, still unable to walk without pain.
I feel like I’m failing my work, still being unemployed and not finding anyone to pay me to do what I love - write and create.
I feel like I’m failing the years of hard work I went through to accept myself, as I berate myself at every turn now.
I feel like I’m failing at socialising, my friends having left my hometown, with no group of people to see and hang out with.
I feel like I’m failing at life, by not living the way I was: in the moment, with gentleness and compassion guiding my way.

It’s really hard to shake this feeling of feeling like a failure. I feel so sad I can’t make these thoughts go away.

I know I’m not a failure. But I also know that knowing you’re not a failure and feeling like you are one are two different things. 

I’m trying so hard, and I wish that was enough for me. It was almost easier when I was bedbound. There were no expectations. I didn’t need to get a job, earn money, or have local friends. I didn’t need to ā€œdoā€ anything. I just needed to be.

And I know that’s all I need to do now. I know that just getting through the day is enough. And I know I will get there; I will get back to that place of gentleness and love somehow.

But right now, I’m disappointed in myself that I found myself here. I knew recovery was going to be hard. I knew I was going to feel lost in this big world. But I didn’t expect to feel lost in myself, and this unexpected turn has been one of the hardest things to take.

I will find myself again. I will try and be kinder. And I hope that I will be able to feel that what I'm doing is enough once more.
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