Birthday Reflections

Today is my birthday, and it’s a big day for me and all those who know and love me. ✨

It’s a big day because today is the first time I’ve been able to celebrate my birthday in five years…

~

When I turned 20, I was in the middle of a severe crash, not knowing that the week before when I left the house would end up being my last trip out for nearly four years.

When I turned 21, I had the worst migraine of my life. It was a 10/10 that lasted 72 whole hours. I was completely paralysed with pain. It took me nearly a week to open all my cards.

When I turned 22, I was happy I got dressed as that was a first for me in three years, but that was pretty much it. 

When I turned 23, I was completely bedbound. I managed to hold a short conversation with my parents before needing to rest again.

~

Today I did so many things that I haven’t done in all those birthdays previously:

  • I got dressed.
  • I spent the entire day downstairs. 🌈
  • I got my own breakfast and lunch.
  • I laughed and talked with my parents.
  • I got to see two of my best friends (the biggest achievement for me).
  • I opened all my presents.
  • I had cake – @hollytreekitchen ofc (although this one I have done previously)! 🎂
  • I facetimed my grandparents and siblings.
  • I went outside.

~

I would be lying to say there’s been no sadness building up to this day like there is every year, knowing another year is another year you’re still sick, but this year definitely feels different.

It feels more like a mourning for the past five years rather than a mourning for the present.

Or maybe it’s because I still have such a long way to go, and even though it’s my birthday I still have to dedicate most of my day to healing and sleep so I can manage like every other day. 

But today has definitely been the first birthday in so many years where there’s been so much more hope, happiness and joy than sadness and grief.

~

I’m still confused over whether I feel 19 or 24 as these past few years have blurred with sickness, but I know I’ll definitely remember this birthday.

24.

My first proper twenty-something birthday.

🤗💛🥳

p.s. the biggest of shoutout to my parents who have always made my birthday the best it possibly could be despite everything xx

(Originally posted on @mindfullyevie Instagram and Facebook)

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