I get so many messages from people saying things like, “I wish I was as positive as you”, “I wish I had your attitude in life”, or “I feel guilty that I’m unable to see my situation as optimistically as you”. I always find these messages so so heartbreaking because I was not always this happy and positive. I did not fall ill and immediately accept my situation and find peace with it. I fought it. I fought what was happening to me. I fought how I felt. I fought this new life I had been landed with. And this went on for years. So many years of tears, anger, pain, and sadness. It was only when I became housebound that things started to change for me, or should I say – that’s when I decided to change.
I think there are very few people in life who can be the happy and positive person from day one. A lot of us need to go under first; we need the time to grieve, to go down. It’s a hard and horrible process, but at the same time, you get to create something so beautiful out of it all which makes the years of pain worth it. They are worth it because you get to transform into someone you never knew you could be.
I never knew I could be this person. If you had told me who I was going to be and the attitude I was going to live by five years ago I would never have believed you. I believed how I felt was forever. I believed I would never be happy with this new life and the change I had been landed with.
But of course, I am happy, and I’m so thankful for this new life and the opportunities it has given me (even if it isn’t how I want it to be physically). The point of all this is to say, if you are someone who looks at me and thinks, “I wish I was as positive as you”, know that what I feel is the result of years and years of hard work and effort. It didn’t happen overnight. The pain you feel right now I also felt too, for a long time.
Take everything one day at a time, one moment at a time, and know that little by little steps, you will grow, and one day you will get to look back and realise just how incredibly far you have come.