This photo capture the very moment my life changed, exactly 8 years ago to this date.
It was the day I contracted glandular fever which caused the onset of my chronic illnesses.
I was 16, and being 24 now, it means today officially marks 8 years of being ill; a third of my life. š«
I have mixed emotions about this day, so many thoughts I want to share, so Iāll just summarise some of the things Iām feeling right now.
~
Illness is a part of who I am, but it is not who I am. It is a big part of my journey, but it is not my journey.
Eight years of illness is a lot. Itās a long time, and itās hard to process the fact one third of my life has been dominated by sickness.
I want to move on from my illness identify and find out who I am away from it all, but itās hard when youāre still sick and healing dictates everything you do.
Iām grateful for everything that has happened to me even if I wouldnāt want to repeat it. I wouldnāt be where I am today without it and thats something worth paying for. š»
Iām not ashamed of my illness or how long Iāve been sick. Iām proud of my journey and my disability label.
Iām not angry or sad for the years itās taken to find all the components for physical healing. Iām just overwhelmed with gratitude and relief that I think I finally have.
~
You are still healing even when you cannot see the progress. Trust that you are building the foundation and finding the pieces and pillars for recovery: it will show itself to you when itās ready.
If you canāt aim for happiness in this moment, aim for peace. Peace is good.
You can be happy and sad. You can achieve acceptance and still grieve. You can practise patience and be frustrated. You can feel awakened and lost. You can feel courageous and frightened. š
Iām grateful to everyone I have met on this journey: you have given me so much light and support. Instagram is a good place if you know where to look.
Iāll always keep the torch of hope alight for those of you who are low on yours.
~
Hope is everything.
Fear is real but you must keep going beyond its boundaries.
There is life within these four walls: I found it.
There is life outside these four walls: Iām going to find it.
ššš

(Originally posted on @mindfullyevie Instagram and Facebook)